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Open Letter for Men & Boys - Part 4

What is a “real” man? Ask anyone that question, and you’ll get a number of definitions that often contradict each other. A “real man” will drop everything and fight anyone who challenges him, but never resort to violence, but throw the first punch in a dispute, and it’s never okay to lose a fight, but it is okay to lose a fight. A real man would never ask for help, but he has to be willing to swallow his pride and ask for help. A real man will do whatever a manipulative person tells him to.

When I was about 16, I was at a friend’s cousin’s house. A woman was leaving her son and daughter there to be babysat. The minute she got up to leave, the boy started crying. My friend’s cousin started pushing him around, telling him to shut up, calling him a punk, and even punched the wall beside him to scare him. Someone asked why she was doing it, and she said that she was just trying to man him up. Later, a 17-year-old friend of hers found out what happened and did the same thing. The boy was no more than 3 years old.

The above story is a common example of the lengths that society will go to pressure boys to fit the Superman mold. From day 1, “man up” is apparently the solution to every problem. Depressed? Man up! Your parent just died? Man up! You’re getting bullied in school? Man up! Real men don’t cry, so man up!

No wonder males make up nearly 80% of suicides! As of June 26, 2018, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for 10 to 44-year-old males. You know those statistics I brought up in previous pages? Those numbers — better yet, the chances of preventing them — would be a lot higher if we weren't so adamant about dismissing boys’ problems.

“Real men” love and respect all women no matter what. If he doesn't, we don’t ask why he feels the way he does; we just call him a boy and say he’s intimidated by women. Meanwhile, we allow women to be as disrespectful as they want, then we make excuses for her, and condition boys to believe they deserve it for all the bad things that men have ever done to women. We even raise boys to put themselves and their whole gender down to lift women up.

Some guys are so brainwashed that they actually apologize on behalf of all the men who have ever wronged women. Not that they should, but I don’t see many women apologizing for every woman who has ever falsely accused a man of rape, or killed a child, or is a radical feminist. Society as a whole is too busy denying that those women exist.

Men are expected to have ridiculous levels of courage; to hell with his fears, pacifist beliefs, and common sense. If a woman was being harassed by a bigger man with a gun, and her husband was there to see it, most people would call him a coward if he didn't try to fight that man. If a man came home to find that his kids were trapped in a burning house, we’d expect him to rush in and save them. If he doesn’t, we call him a selfish loser. We’re so conditioned that we see nothing wrong with what we’re doing.

And then there’s the man’s role in relationships. There’s an old saying that relationships are a two-way street, but most people who give advice don’t know how to count. The vast majority of relationship advice I've ever heard has been heavily in favor of the woman’s wants and needs. I don’t think I've ever heard someone give serious advice to girls or women, other than what to expect him to do for her.

I once did a Google Images search for relationship and romantic quotes for females. Quite a few results came up for both searches. Then I searched for relationship and romantic quotes for males. Almost everything was either neutral or a rule for how the man should treat the woman. Not a single one of these searches showed me any rules for how women should treat men. I searched for a survey that I found in early 2016 on men rarely getting compliments. Almost every result was telling what men should say to their s/o.

I’m just curious, what do you think girls are learning about relationships when all we tell them is what he should do for her?

A relative of mine had been dating a man for 3 years. In summer 2016, she befriended a man who was attracted to her. They hung out on a frequent basis, and he even went to her church a few times. As time went on, she made a habit of complaining about her boyfriend’s life; she didn't like his job, his neighborhood, she ridiculed his financial status, she complained that he never went to church with her, etc. She knew this for 3 years, and that didn't stop her from dating him before. Whenever she complained about him, she would always compare him to the new friend and how he’s living so much better.

This woman soon ended her 3-year relationship to be with a man she only knew for less than 3 weeks. It’s not uncommon for people to judge guys like my relative’s ex by his cover and say that he deserved to lose her. Most people actually encourage girls to leave their partner as soon as he can no longer provide for her or she finds a guy who is better off. Yet those same people will complain that all men are the disloyal and shallow gender.

Everybody says that women are objectified, yet how often do we talk about male objectification?

– Men are objectified as ATMs for women who are too lazy to earn their own money.

– Men are objectified as comic book heroes who will risk their life at any given moment to save everyone else.

– Men are objectified as disposable robots who bend over backwards to please wives/girlfriends who we encourage to leave as soon as she finds a new model that does more of it.

– Men are objectified as tools that are incompetent if they don’t naturally know how to build things, or are not strong enough to do heavy lifting.

– Men are objectified as targets for females who see them all as responsible for “millions of years of oppression” that they never lived.

– And in the rare moments when male issues are brought up, the men get objectified into a platform for people to dismiss them and talk about how much more difficult it is to be a woman.

If you know anyone who is suicidal, please click here.

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