I Shouldn't Have Ignored the Signs
Updated: Oct 7
I read a little bit of Nas' response to Kelis when it was first posted. Something that stood out for me was when he admitted to a mistake that people make far too often. In his words: "I shouldn't have ignored the signs from your first song and video I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. But I thought you was beautiful. You came into my life at a time i was grieving from my moms passing." Maybe you know people who have been there. Maybe you've been there, yourself. Red flags are right in front of you, waving in the wind, complete with all the consequences stitched in. Yet you're distracted by what you see in her right now. You're thinking, 'yeah, I see some red flags, but she's beautiful. She's rude to everyone, but maybe I can change her. Yes, her previous relationships had a lot of drama, but maybe a relationship with me will be different.'
When would now be a good time to stop fooling ourselves? There are too many stories of this mentality destroying men. We see it happening to rich celebrities, and we see it happening to average Joes.
When I was a kid, my mother had a friend who lived in our building. Let's call her Rachel. Rachel had a bad temper. She'd go from calm to snapping at people over the slightest inconvenience, not caring whether she made a scene. But she was gorgeous. Naturally, there were men who would be so enamored that they'd overlook her attitude. Eventually, she had a son, married her boyfriend, and the three of them moved into a house. She and my mother kept in touch.
When I was around 19 or 20, my mother was placed in rehab. Rachel was the one who would drive me to visit her, drive me to get groceries, etc. Lo and behold, she still had her temper problem. I've seen quite a few arguments between her and her husband, whom we'll call Bruce. By this time, she had a second child. It wasn't unusual for her to yell at her baby for crying while she drove. During one supermarket run, she went off on her older son every time he spoke just because he almost left the car without a jacket.
Rachel and Bruce soon divorced, and she moved from Jersey to be with family in Georgia, taking both of their sons with her. During the divorce process, Bruce resorted to drinking, and even stealing to pay for some of his expenses.
Isn't that interesting? Over a 10+ year span, this woman never overcame her anger issues. Her boyfriend couldn't change her. Becoming his wife didn't change her. Giving birth to two boys didn't change her. And what ultimately ended that relationship was a red flag that was there since before the two of them met.
We can do better when it comes to screening potential mates. Our mindset is so screwed that teenage boys get pressured into a toxic relationships just to say that they have a girl. Guys in their 20s who have been conditioned to think their worth revolves around how many girls they can get, are living depressed because they've never had a girlfriend or they've never lost their virginity. Even grown men believe that we're not real men if we won't "handle" a negative woman.
Let's face it: these myths persist because men and boys keep on falling for them. Some even virtue signal to guilt trip other men and boys to believe all the hype. In which case, why should those women change when there's always another one? As they say in Thoughts Men Aren't Supposed to Think, we have to control the situation. Society and negative women aren't going to do it for us.
Those of you who are still in the dating process, pay attention to the signs and learn from those who didn't. This can save you from a miserable relationship that ends with your ex possibly making false accusations or wanting a ridiculous amount of child support, or you ending up in debt and the loss of your kids. Stop allowing bitter girls and the men who love them to trick you into accepting a bad deal. Be patient enough for a woman who shows you the respect and support that both parties need from a relationship.
For those of you who need help in screening women, here are a few guides: