In Defense of Dads
Everybody knows about the Western world's lack of appreciation for fathers. From #endfathersday, to the patronizing way we compare mom and dads, to the "happy Father's Day to all single moms" trend, to canceling father-daughter school dances, to the need to bring up deadbeats in every discussion about dads, and the list goes on. It's no secret that our society has some serious daddy issues.
First off, let's address the elephants in the room. By elephants, I mean the people who see something positive about dads and immediately get ready to scream: "B-but, but my dad was a bum! Yeah, but my baby daddy really ain't shit! How dare you defend all these deadbeats?!"
I'm not defending, or talking about, actual deadbeat dads. I'm talking about the dads who get caught in the crossfire between deadbeats and society's obsession with them. And unlike most people, I'm not giving a pass to the crybabies who put their crosshairs on good fathers. If they can dish it out the vitriol, they can take some back.
Why is He an Absent Dad?
A perfect way of talking about what dads put up with, is to address the fact that some people have never met their fathers. There are people in the world whose sole knowledge of their dad is being told all their life that he's a bummy, deadbeat asshole, and now they have a grudge against all dads. That belief must be true, right? After all, he's not around to tell his side.
Here's another way to look at it: some women lie to their kids about the whereabouts of their father. They'll tell their child that the father doesn't want them, when he loves that child to death. They'll reject his calls, coach young children to reject their dad, or even file false abuse allegations. All because her grudge against him is more important than a child's natural need for two parents. This is called parental alienation, and affects about one million kids per year. Many of whom don't know until adulthood.
Meanwhile, the father is paying thousands of dollars in lawyer fees to get custody in a system run by people who think the mother is always the best choice. He's fighting to clear his name in a system that rarely punishes false accusers, despite the fact that about 70% of domestic abuse allegations in divorce courts are false. He's paying child support to a female who sees her child as a paycheck for herself and still won't let him see that child. He's in and out of jail, losing his driver's license and all just because he can't afford child support. Some of these guys who don't pay child support don't even know they have kids until years later, when they suddenly get a bill of tens of thousands of dollars for an old girlfriend's child.
Coincidently, these factors go overlooked when people complain about absent dads and those who don't pay child support. For all you know, this could be why you've never met your father. After all, he's not around to tell his side. If all you know about your dad is negative hearsay from your mom, you may want to get the facts straight before you pick sides.
Needless to say, many fathers quit because they run out of money, or have been fighting for years with no results. Some get so stressed out that they commit suicide. Coincidently, these factors also go overlooked by people who don't know the full story. Of course, that doesn't stop assholes from taking their own daddy/baby daddy issues out on them.
You think the men who quit this fight are weak, and just don't want to see their kids bad enough? You think all of the mothers who win custody nearly 83% of the time won because dad is just sitting around, being lazy? Talk to a child who lost their father this way, look them in the eye, and tell that child that his/her father is a weakling who didn't want them. Better yet, don't take my word or the word of the people who've been there. Watch some family court proceedings to see for yourself what's really going on.
What Are We Celebrating?
We talk all about the sacrifices that single moms make, but glorify females who refuse to sacrifice their grudge against the dad. We applaud women who refuse to sacrifice their "don't need no man" pride. Time and time again, statistics show that kids in single-mother households are more likely to do everything from drop out of school, to go to prison. Let's read a list of those stats together, shall we?
- Twice as likely to drop out of school
- Twice as likely to become obese
- 279% more likely to carry guns and deal drugs
- 10 times more likely to be abused; 20 if the parent has a live-in partner
- Teenage girls are 7 times more likely to become pregnant
And that's not taking into account the often-excused-and-ignored facts that mothers are more likely to abuse kids, as well as neglect paying child support.
First off, would someone please help me slap all these people who go around saying that a woman doesn't need a man's help in raising a child? Second, why the hell are we glorifying single parenthood in the first place? What kind of message are we, as grown adults, sending to kids by praising a lifestyle that has such a negative effect on them? Are you that scared to offend single moms and their kids? Because most people aren't too scared to piss on good fathers and their kids at every opportunity.
Just look at equal parenting debates (WTF?) such as this one and this one. Look at the laws and politicians that openly spit on fathers' rights. How is it that we'd rather question how hard a father is willing to fight to be in a child's life, than question why a father has to fight and lose so much for what should be an equal parenting right to begin with? Some people go as far as to claim that men just want shared parenting so they don't have to pay. If that's not a clue as to what some of these backwards idiots really want, I don't know what is.
Hell, some of you read the statistics about fatherless kids and immediately put most, if not all, of the blame on deadbeat dads. Yet in the statistics I posted about family court bias and false allegations, a number of you doubt those numbers because you can't believe that so many mothers would act that way or have such an advantage. That mentality is exactly why these numbers exist. At some point, we need to stop throwing all the blame on the parent who is not there. These aren't just fatherless homes; they're also single-mother homes, and we need to stop rushing to make excuses for them.
What's that you say? You grew up without a dad, and turned out fine? Your kids are in college, no thanks to "that bum"? Your mom is the ultimate definition of strong single mom doing it all?
Congratulations on being the minority and living in circumstances that I'm not talking about. If you're not one of the crybabies that I'm referring to, why bother defending them? Even if you combined your own experiences with those of the dozens or so people you know, you won't outweigh the facts that are based on millions of people who weren't so fortunate. By your logic, everything we know about cigarettes and cancer is wrong because plenty of people have smoked for years without getting it. Happy Not-Dying-of-Cancer Day to you, too.
And yes, I did get that analogy from Ann Coulter's brilliant talk show discussion on single-parent statistics. Watch the video to see how quick an audience of "strong and independent" single moms can turn into bratty little girls when yes men aren't there to shield them from facts. No wonder so many teens and kids today need safe spaces when facts contradict their feelings.
As for the people I am talking to, there's an old saying that goes, if you're man enough to lay down and make a baby, you're man enough to stand up and raise that baby. Since gender equality is such a hot topic, here's a reminder that this saying goes both ways. You were woman enough to lay with that man without discussing parenthood. You were woman enough to depend on him for protection, even though you have a lot more birth control options. Just as he was man enough to sleep with you, you were woman enough to sleep with him. You damn sure aren't too independent to take his child support money.
But because you're mad at him, he's suddenly not man enough to be with his kids? God help you and your grandkids if your son ends up with a woman-child like you.
What Are We Going to Do About It?
You want more dads to step up and take care of their kids? Go out and vote, protest, join a father support group, donate, whatever it takes to eliminate family court bias against fathers. Help dads pay the lawyer and court fees. Help pay the child support of poor fathers who can't afford it. You may save a man some needless jail time that could be invested in his kids. Stop blindly believing every one-sided sob story you hear about fathers. Take the time to listen to fathers who have been through family court, false allegations, alienation, etc. Any of the Father's Rights Movement pages on Facebook would be a great start.
Or just continue to sit there taking your daddy/baby daddy issues out on everyone else's father. Keep telling yourself that every single one of these dads are full of shit. Good luck when karma shows you what it's like to have your kids snatched away by people who think like you.